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Besides butt-fucking, one of the biggest taboos that guys new to having sex with guys seem to have is cumming in their mouth. It isn’t that it’s so “totally gay” like anal sex supposedly is – obviously lots of straight dudes cum in the mouths of their girlfriends – but it’s still something of a hang-up.

On the other hand are the guys who’ve been trying since they were 12 years old to suck themselves off, and licking their hands clean after jacking off. When they finally get their lips around a cock, getting it to jizz directly into their mouth is a priority.

At the risk of being sexist, I think men are bettering at sucking cock than women. There’s a huge overlap, with some women who are fantastic, and some guys who… well… suck.

But on average, especially among the less experienced cocksuckers, guys have a natural “home court” advantage: they know how the equipment works, they know what feels good, and they know what they like. The last bit doesn’t always match up – one man’s orgasm-inducing foreskin nibbling is another man’s get-outta-my-bed boner-killer – but at least it’s an internal playbook. And when you add to that some experience… well, I was kinda fantastic even in my youth. ;)

I could go on for hours about the social and sexual dynamics of tops/bottoms, male/female roles, and so on. But just looking at one aspect of it… gay virgins often bring along the cultural mindset that “to be fucked” is a bad thing. It’s gonna hurt. It’s gotta be demeaning or at least unpleasant. So the only reason you’d let someone fuck you is out of “fairness”, so they’ll let you fuck them.

And yeah: that just isn’t how it works.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for taking turns, and unless it’s something you just really dislike, doing something you aren’t really into for the sake of a partner who really likes it is part of what being a good lover involves. But there’s enjoyment to be found – physical or emotional or both – in whatever role you’re playing, and sex definitely shouldn’t be scored on a tally sheet.

Oh, and I really do like being fucked.

One thing I hate, however, is virginity.

Not the status, but the whole idea. The notion that one hour you’re a virgin, but an hour later, after a particular sex act, you aren’t… is just so wrongheaded.

You have women obsessing over how far their boyfriend inserted their cock into their pussy, or maybe whether he came… even though they’d sucked his cock dozens of times and let him fuck their butt a few times. And you get absurdities like the guy I knew in college who insisted that even the more slutty “gold star” lesbians and gay men were virgins, because they’d never done penis-in-vagina sex.

If we’re going to have the concept of virginity, it needs to be defined in ways that make sense. If you’ve “had sex” – whatever that means to you – you aren’t a virgin, and if you haven’t, you are.